This journey we call life is never predictable but often curves the road toward finding ourselves again. Those “hiccups” along the way usually challenge us to the point of physical exhaustion and can impact our health. Today I was reminded of that place in life 8 years ago as I prepared to start over again. When my mom’s health took a turn and my youngest was headed to college, I packed everything I owned into a storage unit and moved into my childhood home to help care for my mom as she began her journey back to dad.
Seven years ago, March 8th, I sold the Alameda house to the first couple that walked through the door. So much has happened in my life since then. It’s like I forgot who I was and finally started coming back to life. I took myself to Pier W on my birthday and bought the best Shrimp cocktail on the West side of Cleveland and paired it with a glass of wine and began my journey back to me. On March 17th I stopped breathing and ended up in the critical care unit of Medina hospital. Okay. I got past that and took my daughters on the most magical family vacation of our lives and we fell in love with Lake Tahoe. It was so healing for me and yet my biggest challenge of my life was still ahead. I went to Las Vegas for what was supposed to be a beautiful weekend surrounded by a loving group of people I now call my #countrystrong family. I never thought I would have to dodge for my life from 2000 rounds of gunshots, yet there I was on the ground praying for my salvation. At one moment when I thought I would not get out alive, I spoke to God and said “If this is my time to come home, I am ready.” Have you talked to God like that? I will tell you a sense of calm washes over your body and you let go. By the grace of God he sent angels down to lift us up off the ground and help us run for our lives. It sounds easy but I can assure you, the body is in flight or fight mode and trying to move is paralyzing. It will be with me forever. Some people along the way have said to “just get over it.” I assure you that if it were that easy I would. I don’t care what you think. It has changed my life forever and it is a gift to be here. My hope for you is that you never experience it.
After just celebrating my birthday yesterday I reflect on the gift of life. I don’t need permission to be who I am. I don’t need to qualify anything to anyone except myself. I root everyone on in life because we all walk through some sort of pain or past trauma on this journey that simply is not magical and charming every day that we live and that is OK! You are allowed to crumble now and then but always remember that it is temporary. My birthday is my time to reflect and be grateful for the love that surrounds me daily. Thank you for being here. I have some pretty amazing people in my life.
A Voice For Women 