I will take a brief detour from framing out relationship #1 and advance you to the 1/2 relationship because there is a lesson in today’s message of paramount importance.
First and foremost, U2 is my favorite band of all time. I would like to say it is The Beatles (who are runner up) but because it was not my era I did not have that personal connection. I weep at some of the songs that Bono sings to me. He does sing to me. He sings about that blue eyed boy and brown eyed girl. I’m going to just keep pretending it is me in that song. I love that man’s face. That is about as honest of a statement without sounding like a stalker. He is also a good human being from what we are allowed to know of him. I am okay with that too.
So why is U2 in today’s message? I will explain.
I waited my entire life to see U2 in concert. Anytime they were on tour I asked “Please, let’s go see them.” All I ever got was a should shrug and no real response. It just sort of went away. Why can’t we do things I want to do? I have never been in a relationship where any man has said “Let’s do that! It’s a great idea!” It has always been about them. So this life of mine keeps moving along and I was now involved with this man in the 1/2 relationship, post divorce from the father of my children. I will dive deeper into this guy with you because he’s a whole other level of fucked up. During the time that U2 announced their tour, we were on the regular cycle of break up for 3 months, don’t talk, then talk, then try dating again crap. Well during the down time from this man I decided that I am buying my own damn tickets to see U2 and taking whoever the hell I wanted. I specifically wanted to go to the last concert of the tour because I knew it would be epic! It was my first time seeing them and I wanted it to be super special. Little did I know.
The last tour date was July 30, 2011 in Pittsburgh at Heinz Field. Perfect! A day and night away! It did not matter who I took, I just needed to be there. About a month before the concert, he approached me again. We talked. He asked if I wanted to go see U2 in Pittsburgh. He at least knew how much their music meant to me and he too was a fan and had flown all over the country in years past to see them. I told him I bought my own tickets, thanks I’m going on my dime. He replied “You deserve to go but you deserve better tickets. I am taking you. Sell your tickets.” Well I’ll be damned. Really? He actually wants to do something nice for me? First time in the 5 years of whatever this was that he was going to make this effort. Keep in mind, we were skating on thin ice for some time. I reluctantly agreed but he kept telling me I deserved this. I was a “quality person.” Whatever. I’m going anyway and I’m getting better seats. I sold my tickets to my ex husband (go ahead and laugh now). Yes, that’s fucked up. Because he is the man I begged to take me for years. Suddenly he wants to go with his new, young girlfriend. I didn’t really care because I got my money out of it. Just think of that dynamic though. It makes me laugh.
July 30th has arrived!!!!!! I am beyond excited! I have waited forever to have this experience! We wanted to get there early because the opening band was one that we followed around for a bit and had made some success out of their efforts. We find this special entrance for these tickets he bought and next thing you know, I am standing at the foot of the stage. WHAT??!! I am going to be standing here when they take the stage? Yes I am! My heart is pounding! So the opening act is done performing and I watch the stage transform into the 360 Experience, the lights go down and I may have stopped breathing for a moment. Now I’ve been to a lot of concerts, but at this exact moment, Heinz Field became completely silent. As the first sounds began to fill the air, I was trying to guess which song Bono would serenade to me first and he turns and looks at me and says “Major Tom. They are opening with Major Tom.” (David Bowie another secret love of mine)
Have you ever watched a balloon pop? Or the Hindenburg burst into flames? That was my heart at that exact moment. I looked at him and said “You went to St. Louis this week for work. That’s what you told me. You actually flew there to see them perform….with another woman.” He lied and said he went with a guy. I knew it was bullshit because your gut doesn’t lie. It only took 2 months for the truth to come out and it was another woman. Remember I told you Bono singing could make me cry? I cried, but it wasn’t about Bono. It was about a moment in my life that I waited so long to experience with someone that I though might care about me, taken away, just like that. And the twist of the knife was that my ex was in the seats I originally bought. I have barely listened to their music again. I just can’t.
Tonight U2 is here, in Cleveland. I could not even find the desire to buy tickets. I hope that someone in that audience tonight feels that amazing joy of waiting a lifetime to see them perform for the first time in person. For me, it was ruined forever.
Lesson #2 : Trust your gut. It doesn’t lie.