Lost

How do you start your young adult life over again after you have left everything behind? Ironically, my oldest daughter now understands this. This post may resonate with her as yesterday marked two years that I moved her out to Los Angeles after graduating from college and walking away from a long term relationship. Like me, she packed whatever she could fit in her car. That’s it. Her last night in Chicago she slept on her mattress and then dragged it out to the curb, hopped in the car to pick me up at the airport and we “Peaced Out”. Those five days of travel with her across the country were cathartic for both of us. I was honored to be on that journey with her. My strong warrior daughter! But I digress. I had to meet her father first, get married and have my babies. Let’s back up the story a bit.

By the time my brother and I arrived back to Ohio we were exhausted. We managed to party in El Paso for 4 or 5 days. I can’t even remember. All I know is that I told him we have to leave before we need rehab. When we pulled in the driveway of 1497 Alameda, I believe we both slept for two days.

The house was full of people so my only bed was a sleep sofa. I didn’t even have a dresser. It’s crazy how such a big house was suddenly so small and suffocating for me. After living in my own place with my own pots and pans, my own routines, my own bed this was a tough adjustment. My parents and I quickly decided that we would empty out the attic and clean it up and make that my room. It became a group effort as the attic space was large. My parents had to put a heating element up there too because the third floor did not have heat. My parents graciously bought me a bed and two dressers and I bought my bedding. I created my own little Xanadu in that space because that is where I would begin the work on me. Who had I become? What did I want to do with my life? Oh…..I also need a job! I’ve never been a slacker. The one thing I learned from the California experience is that contrary to a man telling me I am not smart enough to do anything relevant is that I am in fact a very smart person. I regret everything about that person because I gave up my formal education for that bullshit. I loved school. Perhaps he was threatened by me. Who knows? I left that crap out west. What should I do now? I worked in the banking industry in SoCal and I enjoyed it. My last job was a money investor for all the jumbo portfolios. I loved it because I had to go to work early to start trading money. I had to work on East Coast time because all wire transfers had to be done by 2 p.m. EST. It was a great job but I found the banking industry back home a lot more rigid and no opportunities were available. One day, my dad ran into someone at our restaurant and he said he would give me a job selling copiers. Selling copiers? I don’t sell. I’ve never sold anything. And so began my very short career with the worst company I have ever worked for. (They are still in business in the Cleveland area.) You talk about sexual innuendo! Every single day I dealt with comments to the point that everyone was convinced I was sleeping with my boss. Listen, I’m sure he was screwing somebody, but it wasn’t me. I think all those important men at that company all had side chicks. It was pretty obvious. They stuck me in the worst territory and it was impossible to sell a $25,000 copier to anyone because there wasn’t any industry or offices to sell to. It was by design they put me there because one day the big boss said to me “We can put you in a nice apartment, get you a nice car and you should probably go shopping for some clothes because we’ve seen your wardrobe.” Now my mind is thinking “How the hell are they going to do that for me without there being a price to pay?” They also did not like that I was living at home. Hey there Mr. Asshole, I am not stupid. A kept woman is a kept woman. If they actually had an HR Department I would have complained, but these men were on an ego trip beyond anyone that could give a shit, so 3 months into that gig I told them to fuck off and I walked out.

Lesson: A pissed off Emily after going through almost five years of crap = I’m done taking crap from men. Women, you are not a toy, a pawn, a thing. You are a human being deserving of equal and fair treatment in all areas of life!!!!!

Welcome back to Ohio! (this won’t last long)