Ohio or Bust…let’s pick up where I left off months ago..

So I packed up a few suitcases and headed back to Ohio. Before I left California, my estranged husband and I did manage to go to the courthouse and file for a simple dissolution of marriage. I can only speak for the law at that time so back then if you did not own any community property and were married for less than 5 years, you could file for a dissolution. Once filed, it sat on record for 6 months. It ensures that both parties don’t want to pursue another avenue for divorce or even a possible reconciliation. It is a “cooling off period” and as convinced as I was that this was it for me, I would learn yet another major life lesson.

Let’s move on. I am back in the Midwest. Winter is upon us and the man who I set up temporary residence has called and asked if he could fly to Ohio for a visit.  I am going to say this here and as I type it I want you to know I am screaming it inside my head “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!” He suggested it would be a quick visit just to see how life is treating me and blah, blah, blah.  That was a huge lie. This man showed up at my parents front door. My parents were gracious and invited him to stay there during his visit. It was about to go horribly wrong because during this time my estranged husband had started to call me more frequently and this other man was an interference. What started off as a short visit turned into an extended visit. This man told my family more lies on a daily basis and I will tell you that it was time for us to call him out on them. One at a time. The best story and the only story I will share here is the skiing story because honest to god, it is a classic “don’t fuck with this family” story and I still laugh thinking about it. Hey, this crazy life story can’t be all doom and gloom.

“I have skied the slopes of Switzerland! I am an expert skier!” My entire family heard this around the dinner table one night and we acted swiftly! A plan was formed! My brother suggested we all go skiing the next day. My brother, myself and a few close cousins. We all skied and we were pretty good at it. Now none of us had skied the slopes of Switzerland but we were masters of the slopes of Boston Mills (a local ski resort). I don’t care if you are a novice or expert skier, you should know how to ride a fucking ski lift. I am already laughing. We dragged this neanderthal to the slopes and it became apparent in short time that he even struggled just getting his boots into his bindings. Let’s move on to the ski lift. It was like an SNL skit. He wiped out getting on the lift and then getting off the lift. I actually lost track of him because I was on the lift in front of him but here’s the best part. I shooshed down the intermediate hill, which is what he decided to tackle, and I was back on the lift when low and behold beneath me I could see a giant snowball tumbling down the hill. Is it mean to laugh? I don’t care. Not once did that man stand up on his skiis. NOT ONCE. We were all crying laughing. Clearly Switzerland slopes are less challenging than those in mountainous Ohio. None of us stopped to help him. Here’s the thing. Don’t lie to us. We will call your shit out. It was a great day skiing! Haha. I thought he might give up but I am glad he didn’t because he was our entertainment for the day.

Back at the house that night I needed to figure out how to get this guy out of my parents house. I spoke to my parents and my dad took matters into his hands. He insisted they speak and my dad told him that they were buying him an airline ticket back to Los Angeles and they would drive him to the airport. He also told him to start packing his bags because he would be leaving in 2 days. Just like that the arrangements were made. I believe his visit was almost 2 weeks long. I honestly cannot remember. Finally this man would be leaving and I could focus on either resurrecting my marriage or pulling the plug once and for all. The morning came for him to leave. I was not speaking to this man for the last few days. I just wanted him gone! He got into my parents car and they drove him to the airport. The saw him walk in to the terminal and my parents assumed he got on his flight back to Los Angeles.

This man had other plans. He never left. The funny stuff has now ended. This is where the creepy, stalker part begins….

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