Sometimes I veer off the story for a post or two because I have something important on my mind and I have to share. Ultimately it ties in to who I am today and this post is no different. It has been a journey of decades. Growing and learning about the person I am and what I allow to enter my world and how I let those people treat me. That is the journey. We cannot avoid it and yet sometimes it frustrates those around us that ask “How do you not see this? Why are you letting this happen?” I think the simple answer is “No one wants to be alone.” I know there are people all over the world that say being alone makes them happiest. Here is the reality. There are more people that would rather walk through all this crap tossed at us with a partner. The twist of the knife is sometimes your partner wields the most hurt on you but the fear of being alone allows the behavior. I am guilty of that. I have a big heart. I have a forgiving heart. But I am done having it ripped out and stomped on and I am done having someone else have the control of judging my character, my value, my worth. You know what? I’m worth more than any bank account held by the wealthiest people in the world. So are you. I’m worth more alone than being in a toxic relationship. So are you. I am worth more to my children when I am happy then when I am emotionally drained from the constant defending of the person who is hurting me.
Twist. Pull. Push. Hurtful words. Judging your self worth daily. Never being good enough. Not doing enough for the other person. Not responding fast enough. Not checking in enough. This person is the accountability partner from hell. No one deserves that for the trade off of not being alone.
Go through your journey. You will cry. Your head will hurt. Your family and friends will back away, because that’s what they do. The i toxic person isolates you. It is control. You will question functioning daily without that person reminding you of all your so called weaknesses.
Do you see yourself in these words? Many of you do. I know these words. I lived them. I don’t want anyone to know this place yet it is happening. You have arrived to this destination. What happens next is up to you. No one but you can make that choice to slam the door on this person. You will try many times. Keep pushing back. I promise you there will come a day when you awaken to the real you hiding inside and you will say “Enough!” When that day comes the people that have been isolated from your world will be there for you. They have always been there. They just aren’t allowed into your head. That was intentional by the toxic person. That will be the point that you start finding yourself again.
How did you get here? You were lost. Your journey is going to suck for a while but you will find your way back to you and I promise it will feel so much better.